Apparently, I’m a “been there, done that” type of person. I enjoy having first-hand knowledge of people and places, but apparently most other people don’t. My current response is to remain silent and distance myself from such conversations.
Traveler: This was not your intention, but you are worried that your opinion may sound like boasting. Traveling is not something everyone can enjoy equally. Many travelers love to bring back knowledge and stories, but those who miss out on that opportunity may not appreciate these souvenirs.
The next time you engage in such a conversation, take the opportunity to ask the assembled people what excites or intrigues them about a person or place. Let them talk about their own connections. They may not be as well-informed as yours, but that doesn’t make them any less valuable.
If you want to share your firsthand knowledge, make sure you’re responding to what the other person is saying. Speak from your enthusiasm, not your expertise. That way, the conversation becomes a group discussing the wonders of the world, rather than seeming like one person lecturing (even if that’s not your intention).
We sense you have a passion for sharing your travel stories, and these people are doing just that. Take advantage of the opportunity to continue learning about exotic places without leaving your own country.
Dear Eric: Over 50 years ago, when I was 16, I had a girlfriend who lived in a nearby town. One day, I visited her at her house with a pack of marijuana. We smoked it in the garage while her parents were out. Suddenly, we heard a car approach and pull up. Her father, a police officer, and her pastor walked in.
So they were all the same person. Her father was the chaplain at the police station. He smelled smoke, took me to the police station, then to the bus station, and told me never to come back to their town. I didn’t. A few months later, I exchanged a business card with the girl, but I didn’t convey anything in particular other than a vague feeling of regret.
Fifty years later, I saw her name in the local paper – she was a county judge!
I struggled with alcohol and drugs for a while when I was younger, but at age 36 I got a suspended sentence for DUI and have remained so since. I thought I might write to let her know about this and express my hope that our mistakes have not affected her and her family too much.
Fix: Congratulations on your decades of sobriety. I’m glad you found a solution that worked for you and that it continues to have a positive impact on your life. I’m sure your ex-partner, who is the judge, will be happy to hear this. An unexpected letter from someone from your past who never asked for anything, can be a pleasant surprise.
Reparation is not about changing what happened, but about enhancing future possibilities. We make amends by acknowledging the harm done and working to right what we can. So don’t blame yourself too much for what happened. You may be thinking about the incident in light of all your past drug-related failures.
Bringing marijuana into her home was not the best strategic move given the criminal justice system in her home, but as the years went by, it may have taken on a lot of importance in your mind.
Telling her the next chapter of your story and making amends can have a positive and appropriate impact on both of you.
Hopefully, as a judge, she will be well-informed about the effectiveness of alternative sentencing for nonviolent drug offenses, particularly since drug court-mandated addiction treatment and subsequent supervision have been shown to have 38 to 50 percent lower recidivism rates than incarceration for drug offenses, according to the Stanford Drug Policy Network.
Your story will help give her another human dimension to the issue of substance abuse — something she might return to as she considers the law, the numbers, and the case before her. Your story has the power to change more lives than you may realize.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and subscribe to his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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