Comedy writer Gary Janetti shares tips on how to save money on luxury hotels

I wanted to share a little tip with you all, something I used to do when I was traveling on a budget and wanted to stay somewhere nice. As an example, let me take the time I went to Hawaii while I was working as a bellhop at the Paramount Hotel in New York City. I was dating someone at the time (yes, we might have even lived together – anyone remember that? Everything before Brad is a blur) and we decided to go to Hawaii. (This person will now disappear from this essay.)

I wasn’t great at making money then, but I was great at spending it. My entire existence depended on the generosity of strangers. (I once got a $200 tip, and that paid for everything I spent over the next few weeks – dinners, clothes, plane tickets, everything. That tip probably cost me several thousand dollars.) I didn’t have a lot of extra money. (In fact, I was in debt.) zero I hadn’t saved anything, so every trip I went into a little more debt.

Like other gay men, I wanted to stay in hotels I couldn’t afford, places I’d only seen in the glossy pages of magazines (I miss those magazines, I know they still exist, but they don’t exist in real life). Conde Nast Traveler was my bible, and I mentally planned each trip as if I were a Rockefeller or a Getty. I planned to stay at the Hotel du Cap, the Cipriani, Claridge’s, they were all there, at least in my mind. But eventually, I came up with a little workaround for not having enough money.

First, find a place that is cheap and not filthy. I find it’s best not to book anything until you reach your destination. This might seem scary to most people but trust me, it can work to your advantage.

On this trip to Hawaii (where I was sharing the unnamed person mentioned above), we stayed in a bed-and-breakfast-like property. And by “bed-and-breakfast-like,” I mean bed and breakfasts. Normally, I avoid bed and breakfasts at all costs. (Even back then, when I had nothing but debt and dreams, I found them repellent. Eating breakfast with strangers is probably the worst travel concept ever.) But this place was charming, with beautiful grounds and ocean views, and for a fraction of the price you’d pay in an actual hotel. I’d read about it in a guidebook (pre-internet, I researched travel like Woodward and Bernstein poring over the Watergate documents).

I would go and see the room in person without booking in advance, to make sure it was as described (back then you couldn’t see pictures online, you just had to imagine it in your head). Sure, there was a risk it would be fully booked, but before Instagram, it wasn’t really full. They could always work something out, and with the front desk clerk right there, the rates were a bit more flexible. I would usually ask to see all the available rooms and ask for the cheapest one, and then I’d get an upgrade from that, which meant the room was always the cheapest. was It’s empty. They just showed it to me. Also, you’d be amazed at what people will give you if you ask politely. And if you’re young, the chances increase exponentially. Give it a try. This is not a travel tip.

Now, here’s a hint: say you’re going on a week-long trip. Stay at cheap places for six nights, but stay at the Four Seasons for the last night, just like you did when you went to Hawaii with that person. Again, book the cheapest room. But you’ll arrive at 9am. Your room isn’t ready yet, but don’t worry, they’ll store your bags and you’ll have access to all the hotel’s amenities for the day. Then, the next morning, turn your breakfast, which should be included in the price (make sure it’s included in the price, you always get free breakfast), into a brunch, filling your plate with enough food to get you through the day. These five-star hotels often have expensive food and drinks, but they often offer enough free amenities to get you full without actually spending a penny.

Don’t check out at noon the next day. (I always ask for a 2pm check out wherever I’m at and leave at 3pm. Just tell the front desk that you’ll be down as soon as they call you. This works, trust me. And if they say they can’t make it at 2pm but 1pm is ok, say thank you and still get off at 3pm.)

Then, after checking out, you leave your luggage again and spend the rest of the day taking advantage of everything the hotel has to offer, including the pool and the beach. These places often offer free drinks and snacks at sunset. Be sure to stay for them. If you do it well, this might be your dinner. That means you basically get two full days of fun for the price of one night. I usually saved this treat for the end of my trip, because once you’ve stayed at a Four Seasons in Hawaii, you’re not going to want to go back to a crappy bed and breakfast now. (And for young people traveling today, these two days are when you should record all your content. It gives the impression that you spent your entire vacation at that resort, when in fact you were only there for one night. This can really save you money.)

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