- My son was diagnosed with Pathological Avoidance Disorder at the age of four.
- He may find it difficult to leave the house because he will ignore or avoid following even the simplest rules.
- Traveling with him can be tough but also wonderful.
Two years ago, my son Oscar, who was four years old at the time, Severe anxiety They are also thought to have features of pathological avoidance of demands, a neurological disorder in which children engage in extreme behaviors to avoid ignoring or following normal rules.
“Stow away the tray table “Put your seat all the way upright” is the one thing that sends my husband into a panic. My husband and I have learned to pick our battles. Especially when we are traveling, it can be hard to defend him (and ourselves) against ignorant attitudes about his condition.
Yet we travel often and always have a great time.
Recent Travel to San Juan, Puerto Ricois a perfect example of how we’ve learned to amplify the joys and reduce the challenges of traveling with a child with a neurodevelopmental disorder.
We enjoy new places, but we also love returning to our favorite places
Traveling is difficult That goes for even the most disciplined kids. Returning to familiar places is one way to reduce stress. Our favorite trip was by far to San Juan, Puerto Rico. This last trip was our fourth visit to this colorful island.
I Definitely not a “resort” But hotels have amenities like on-site restaurants and entertainment for all ages that make the trip easier for families, especially those with children with special needs. For example, the last hotel we stayed at has nine restaurants, a full-service spa, multiple pools, including a baby-friendly pool, a well-maintained playground, and one of the quietest, most kid-friendly beaches in San Juan.
The world is a sensory gym, and my son is a master at satisfying his sensory needs.
Oscar’s body wakes at dawn, ready to explore. Within an hour of arriving at the resort, we’d met a bearded dragon, explored the playground, played in the hammock garden, climbed rocks, and searched for giant sea glass in the sugar-soft sand.
Traveling means immersing yourself in new and interesting environments. Sensory-seeking children Like Oscar, that might mean climbing 20-foot-tall trees or wading through muddy water where you don’t know what’s lurking. Knowing what boundaries to set and what to tolerate is part of what experts call “low-demanding parenting,” an approach that’s especially recommended for kids with PDA.
Other parents don’t always understand
He is a child-rearing expert, Peaceful Parents,explain Pathological avoidance of demands Oscar has an anxious independence and the more adults try to impose authority, the more erratic and irrational the PDA child’s behavior becomes. My goal is to avoid situations that trigger Oscar’s anxious independence and to de-escalate the situation when they arise.
One morning, as Oscar climbed to the top of the 4-foot-tall wall that separates the pedestrian walkway from the natural beach environment, I assessed the situation. Was the wall built for people to walk on? Probably not. But were there signs that clearly said No Trespassing? There weren’t. And most importantly, was Oscar in any danger? Again, no. The wall was low and wide enough that injury was unlikely.
Yet another tourist yelled at me to get my son off.
When someone tells me how to raise a child, I just laugh and pretend I can’t speak English.
From the outside, “Low Demanding” Parenting That may seem overly permissive, and maybe to a normal kid, it is. But we’re not talking about normal kids here. We’re talking about kids who would rather jump into traffic than follow rules they perceive as unfair. Kids who refuse to listen to “because I said so.” Once, feeling he needed to rush to catch a taxi to catch a flight, he lost control and opened the door of a moving car on the highway, trying to jump out of the car.
I don’t have time to explain all this to strangers, I can’t explain to everyone I pass why children don’t wear shoes on the sidewalks of Manhattan, or why I don’t notice them politely replying to my greetings (social norms experienced as “demands”).
I don’t owe any explanations to these strangers, or to anyone.
Other people’s comfort is not my priority
On the way back to our room, Oscar’s eye was caught by a shelf of crystal animals displayed prominently in the gift shop window. From the moment we walked in, I noticed the store attendant was overly cautious. Before Oscar could touch a tiny glass turtle (which I was willing to let him do), the attendant jumped on Oscar and me, yelling, “He can’t touch that! It’s glass!”
The second child responded as a neurologically normal child would. Molly froze and ran toward me. But Oscar’s nervous system perceived the situation as a serious threat and told him to fight or flight. He ran out of the store at 100 miles per hour and I don’t know where he went.
While Oscar has a one-on-one carer at school because of this behavior, my husband and I don’t have one when we travel, and we’ve also had to temporarily leave our neurologically normal son behind to chase after him. Thankfully, that morning Molly complied. She let me pick him up, and we were out the door, just in time to see which way he turned.
Being surrounded by nature made him feel instantly at ease.
A short time later, I found Oscar in the Tropical Gardens and Bird Sanctuary, a magical natural space filled with lush greenery and wildlife. Oscar’s body was calm; he was composed and curious. I watched as he carefully made his way across the habitat towards the giant turtle. There were no other tourists around, just a few bewildered staff members who watched as Oscar picked up the turtle, just like he had done in the Sri Lankan turtle sanctuary.
“Maybe we should stop him,” I think. “But why?”
Things can get ridiculously bad when we get in the way of our son. But when we work around it, magic happens. One thing is for sure: Traveling with my son, who has a neurodevelopmental disorder, is never boring. In fact, it’s wonderful.
